Some say that women’s bodies become invisible after a certain age. Jennifer Lopez, who is 50, challenged this notion at her recent Super Bowl performance. She portrayed a sexy and confident woman, appearing to have a healthy relationship with her body and sexuality.
The performance evoked envy, praise, and criticism. A New York Times op-ed raised alarm that her body would increase pressure on older women to look as good as she does.
Time for a Reality Check
JLo’s look combines genes, talent, money, and a team of people whose job it is to make sure she looks amazing. Truth is, most women experience changes in their weight, fat distribution, and metabolism as they age. Wrinkles appear, hair turns grey, and their sex drive becomes less pressing. These changes can lead to dissatisfaction with one’s body and sex life which is exacerbated by a culture that overvalues youthful appearances in women.
An important task of middle age is to take stock of one’s life. What do I want to change, what do I want to keep doing, and what do I want to try that I haven’t tried yet? Rather than comparing oneself to some impossible external standard, this is a time to reflect on who you are and what you are still becoming. Maintaining a positive body image as one ages is challenging. In many ways, how you feel about your body is more important than how you look.
Double Standards
Philosopher Susan Sontag noted the “double standard in aging”: At 50, a woman is no longer considered attractive, while a man the same age may be just hitting his stride. Yet, as women go through menopause, men often begin to experience erectile dysfunction. And certainly, men have issues with their body image, too. But for most men, this doesn’t equate with irrelevance and invisibility. The recent trend of sexy “dad bods” is an example.
Body Image
Body image is defined as the subjective picture or mental image of one’s own body. Outside factors, such as the way a culture views the body of an older woman, affects one’s subjective view. Cultural denigration of the body of an older woman will, no doubt, affect her subjective view or mental image of herself. “Hag,” “crone,” and “witch” are words used to describe and denigrate older women. Words used to describe old men, such as “geezer” and “codger,” aren’t nearly as derogatory, nor do they contain the element of disgust.
Research on 1,849 women over 50 “captured the thoughts, feelings, and attitudes that women at middle age have about their bodies and the experience of aging.” The investigators looked for factors associated with adaptive aging, rather than aging marked by despair and regret.
Some older women have internalized an extremely negative body image: “I am ashamed of my aging body and ashamed that I am ashamed. I believe women pay an enormous price of cultural biases related to gender and age.”
Others were able to embrace their bodies: “I have earned every scar, every age bump and every grey hair. It sags and it aches but it keeps me upright and going.”
As a woman ages, there is a tendency to be less reactive to the external messages and more focused on how she feels about herself. Caring less about appearance and more about health and functionality are the keys to adaptive aging in both men and women.
Sexuality
Middle age is also a time to take stock of one’s sexual life.
As sex hormone production declines in both men and women, it has an effect on sex drive. For women, vaginal dryness can cause pain at intercourse. For men, problems maintaining an erection make sex difficult. In addition, as sex drive becomes less urgent, it can be more difficult to get aroused and reach orgasm.
Many people find it difficult to talk about sex with their partner(s). When bodies and needs start to change, it can be daunting to address problems and find solutions. Whether it involves estrogen cream or other forms of vaginal lubrication, Viagra for men or sex toys/vibrators, it is worth figuring out what you need to continue to enjoy sex.